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For members and allies of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community.

  1. What's new in this club
  2. I'm unsure if this club and forum discussion post are still active as they were a couple of years ago, but I'd like to talk about my experience as coming to be a homosexual male. I first found out that I was gay when I decided to date Kondra back in the early days of xat when I saw him wonder around a promoted chat that my friend Shers promoted. My experience with boys beforehand though has always been this awkward and curious state of mind that I've had when I was good friends with them and mostly spent those weekend nights out staying over at their houses. I was hesitant at first to message Kondra after I asked him in PC if he was gay, and to that he replied "yeah lol". I never really was romantic with all the people I've met online and in real life, so this was all new to me and it made me sit down and think, "What would it be like to date a guy?" Ultimately, I decided to give him a chance and keep what we had a secret until I was comfortable enough to come out to my friends and family as gay. When I was asked by other classmates if I had a girlfriend or found a girl to be in my liking, I never really like answering that question they asked me because I was never the child to lie about things to cover things up. Me, being the scared preteen I was, answered with "No, I don't have a girlfriend yet. But, I'm not really interested in having a relationship." and border lining which girls I thought were remotely attractive enough to date so I could get those same people off my back to avoid all further questions about my relationship with Kondra. This also happened to be the time in which I had my first gay experience with another guy who openly admitted to liking me and wanted to date me. To this day, I'm not even sure how he knew I was gay and wanted to openly admit his feelings to me in desperation that I would start dating him over the relationship I was already in. I never did accept his proposal and then one day, he just disappeared altogether. After this rather peculiar experience, me and Kondra continued our relationship in secret until about 2 years of being together. I finally built enough confidence in myself to tell my family that I was gay and was dating a guy for 2 years straight now. With being scared of what my parents would say next, their response was rather calm and understanding with me coming out gay and was fine with me dating Kondra for the time I told them I've been with him. I let out a sigh of relief knowing that my family was accepting of me being gay and only wanted me to be happy with whoever I come out with in the end. But, with all good things must come the bad news. It came with fair warning that not everyone will be accepting as they are and will try to target me for simply liking the same sex that is my own. And they weren't wrong- because I live in a state that is full with churches and rather Southern. Not everyone is going to understand why I am gay. And even with that, I couldn't understand how hard it is to keep a long distance relationship with him being the way we were as teenagers. I had to break it off to save myself from a world of pain that the future would hold, and it broke my heart. I am now 18, going on 19 years old and I still have a lot to learn in this world. I know better now with what kind of relationships I want and I'm happy I took the time to look past the heartbreak to learn from my first relationship and grow as an individual. We both didn't know what we wanted and had a hard time understanding each other, and I didn't want to keep going on with something I'd regret deeply and feel guilty for because I couldn't be there with him. I guess it's true that your first love won’t be the person you end up with, but I know much better with the experience I've had now that I can find the person I truly want to be with.
  3. I'm kind of like one year late but, whatever. Here is my "gay history": How did you discover your homosexuality? At what age did you do it? I've always had feelings that I was gay or bisexual when I was like 7. When I was 5, I had a crush on one of my best friends that was the same gender as I am. I didn't know what being gay or bisexual was at the age of 5, obviously. I ignored it for a few years and I think I knew I could be possibly gay or bisexual when I was 7. In 6th grade (when I was 11), I grew another crush on a different best friend. I always felt like I needed to protect him and stuff. I still didn't know if I was gay or not so, I asked a girl out to a formal dance because I had thought I had feelings for her. The formal dance was boring, we danced to a few songs but I didn't feel anything for her. After that night, I didn't really interact with her as much. I never acted upon my crush on my best friend. At the age of 11, I knew I was gay and I didn't feel ashamed of it. How did you react to the fact that you are gay, by then? I didn't worry about being gay. I was not ashamed and did not think it was just a "phase" that most people think they're going through. I knew that my closest older sister who is 5 years older than me probably knew I was gay. She has never asked me about it though and when I do come out (because I haven't yet), she would be the first person I would go to. My sister is supportive of me and I really believe that she would accept me. I'm not so sure about what my parents will do. I'm hoping that they will be accepting and will not think of me any different. Honestly, I don't know how my current friends think of the LGBTQ+ community and being gay. They have never disagreed or have been against it, so that's a good sign. How long did it take you to face the truth and accept yourself? I knew it was possible that I could be gay or bisexual at the age of 7. I finally accepted myself at the age of 11. So it took me four years to accept myself. Have you come out of the closet already? If so, how did your social and work experience change? If not, how are you planning to do it and when? I have not come out of the closet yet. Do your siblings and/or parents know it? If so, how did they react to it? I believe that one of my siblings (my sister who is 5 years older) knows about me being possibly gay or bisexual. I have not been asked by any of my family members. How did they find out? If you told them, how did you do it? I'm gonna skip this question since I haven't come out yet. Do your closest friends know about it? If so, did the friendship change in any way after knowing it? My closest friends do not know about it. I think they just think that I like being single and I'm not attracted to that many people. NOTE: I just wanna say that I loved all of your stories and they "touched me". It feels better knowing what people have gone through and how they went through it. Hopefully, I will come out soon and my family and friends will be accepting.
  4. I came out the day after National Coming Out Day! I was feeling the pressure.
  5. I know this is two days late but, Happy National Coming Out Day to all my xat.com gays To those of you not out, consider this day as a show of how freeing it feels to be out. It gets better and the journey is worth the destination (but don't rush it)! To those of you who are out, celebrate and show how proud you are to be queer.
  6. How did you discover your homosexuality? At what age did you do it? I'm not a lesbian, just bisexual I guess. Discovered that at my early 12 years when I lost my female best friend, I realised I didnt had only feelings as a friend, I wanted many stuff. How did you react to the fact that you are gay, by then? Neutral. It's not something that you can control or decide if you want to be so or no, it just happens and when you want to think about it, even if you try avoiding that thought, you just can't. How long did it take you to face the truth and accept yourself? Didn't have any problems accepting so, it's just normal Have you come out of the closet already? If so, how did your social and work experience change? If not, how are you planning to do it and when? No, I didn't. And I'm not planning to talk about it or make it public **in real life**, no, thanks. Do your siblings and/or parents know it? If so, how did they react to it? No one knows
  7. How did you discover your homosexuality? At what age did you do it? I discovered myself as bisexual when I was 12 years old, the reason why I can't tell you, because it's a little bit "aggressive". How did you react to the fact that you are gay, by then? My reaction was normal, because at that age, I knew what I was, but I couldn't understand it. How long did it take you to face the truth and accept yourself? When I turned 15, I already knew that I was bisexual. With that age I understood everything, and then I accepted myself as I am. Do your siblings and/or parents know it? If so, how did they react to it? Have you come out of the closet already? If so, how did your social and work experience change? If not, how are you planning to do it and when? Only three people know about I'm bisexual. These people are my best friends. At this moment, I don't dare to come out. Their reaction was well, they accepted me as I am. This is the movie that I go out with a smile everyday! How did they find out? If you told them, how did you do it? I told my friends what I was bisexual, when we promised to tell the truth to ourselves. In that moment, I was forced to tell the truth, because I don't like to lie. They accepted it. Do your closest friends know it? If so, did the friendship change in any way after knowing it? Yes, they know it. No haha, they didn't change.
  8. I'm somewhere on the gay spectrum, and it's quite clear I've been that way since I was around 13 or so. But let me tell you, like Brandon and a few others mentioned, the cognitive dissonance thing is real. When I was growing up, gay issues did not have mainstream support at all in the media -- at least in my country (US) and state. I also went to a small/weird school, and I don't think I actually knew an openly gay person in real life until I was around 16. So when you grow up with certain expectations about how attraction should work, and then suddenly you experience feelings which contradict that understanding, your brain has a funny way of ignoring those feelings. If someone had asked me what my orientation was around that time, I would have said that I was straight without batting an eye. Not because I was ashamed of being queer, but because I hadn't fully internalized that you could be something besides straight. I think xat Kimi was also the first person I ever confided in some time in 2012 (shoutout to Kimi). It was a really casual conversation too, it hardly felt like a grand 'coming out' moment, but I just put my thoughts out there and that really helped me come to terms with them. I've basically been de facto out since I started university, though I still don't care to tell anyone unless they ask me first. Some things that still bother me... Finding queer people who were interested in serious, monogamous relationships was not easy. Maybe it's just a university thing that people would prefer to sleep around, but it was pretty frustrating for me. I also dislike identity politics around 'LGBT issues'. Maybe this is just me, but I feel like coming out is as much of a political statement as it is a personal one. I'm still mostly left-leaning, but I don't feel like being queer should ally me with any particular political cause.
  9. It's beautiful to see all your histories, it was very exciting. I have a lot of friends of the LGBT community, i'm always going to discos with them(i love LGBT discos - last weekend was the last time ) I'm always supporting them and fighting with people who have derogatory comments against LGBT people(included some members of my family). All my love is with the LGBT community! ♥
  10. I just want to take a second and say I love you guys I'm not gay but it's honestly moving reading your guys' story I thought Daniel really was dating Rida oops
  11. @Junior are you going to share? I am in a relationship with someone who is very much in the closet. It's tough. It's exactly as you described it for him. He knows nothing will change but whenever he even thinks about saying the words, he gets very anxious. I hope one day society doesn't make people have to go through this horrific and liberating experience and being queer is normal. However, I doubt that will be anytime soon. Until then, these success stories are important. They show people that life is either the same or better for most once they come out of the closet. It helped me to watch YouTube/hear about others. It warmed me up and made me even consider the idea of acting on my feelings.
  12. i'd say Channing Tatum Ryan Reynolds (dead pool) Zac Efron Ian Somerhalder (Demon Salvatore) Dwayne Johnson (The Rock)
  13. For as far as I can remember, I was just attracted to other guys. I don't know, guys always caught my eyes and girls didn't. I never really thought anything of it until around the start of high school when you start to learn more about yourself all that fun stuff and I realised that I was attracted to guys, and there was a name for it. I don't really distinctively going through a "facing the truth" phase, and I think it was easy for me to accept that I was different from the majority of people, however, I knew that gay was bad. Kids my age always used "gay" to describe things they didn't like, so I decided I shouldn't tell anyone about it. Some people used to question me about it and, of course, I couldn't tell anyone my secret! I have semi come out of the closet. The first person that ever knew was my best friend at the time who was also a boy when we were around 12 (2012), and he didn't care and probably forgot within 5 minutes because it was irrelevant to our friendship, really. The second person I told was Kimi (from xat) around 2013 because he is also gay and I thought it would be good to speak to someone else about being gay and get advice from him. After Kimi, I didn't tell anyone until 3 years later around the start of July when I told Rida, Ryan and Karl in our group chat that we had on WhatsApp. That's what really started kicking things off and making me feel more comfortable. I came out to my best friend in real life the day after National Coming Out Day (jinx Brandon) when we were at McDonalds one day before college and I told her and we skipped college and discussed the ins and outs lol. I then told my second closest friend after she accused me of fancying my other friend (that's a girl) I just was like "oh no I'm gay". The relationships between the people I have told have not changed and it wasn't a big deal, they sort of knew already I guess. As this was leading up to the end of high school, our friendship group kind of broke up and I didn't get around to telling the others. My siblings/parents... weird situation. Rida and I went to Glasgow Pride in 2015 and I told my brother that I was going to meet Rida (he sort of knows about xat and the idea of it, and knows Rida), but I told my parents that I was going somewhere else. When I left, it probably came up in conversation where I was and the stories clashed. When I came home my parents asked me why I was in Glasgow and I was like I was at a music festival (there was one at Pride) and they obviously they had researched events in Glasgow or something and my Dad asked me if I "was at the gay festival" and I just ignored him. They told my older sister (who has her own house, clearly I was the talk of the week) and she asked me as well but I told her I was there with my friend. I guess they know, but they don't really know at the same time. I'm at an awkward stage where, if asked, I will admit to being gay, however I still have not told my family. As Brandon said, it's really really difficult to tell the people you care about the most and especially if you don't know how they are going to react. Even though I try to tell myself people won't care and nothing will change, I just can't bring myself to say the words.
  14. I think about that all the time, and I have no clue how it's going to happen. I'm so excited though! I'll post a follow-up story for sure.
  15. How did you discover your homosexuality? At what age did you do it? - I discovered it after getting feelings for guys during 6th grade PE. I did not know what it meant at the time. I was 12. How did you react to the fact that you are gay, by then? I realized it a year or so after the first incident but refused to admit it. I said that I just had been around guys more than girls so it was reasonable. How long did it take you to face the truth and accept yourself? I think somewhere in middle 2016 I admitted it. So about four years. Have you come out of the closet already? If so, how did your social and work experience change? If not, how are you planning to do it and when? Many people know. If (most) people ask them, I will admit it. Nothing much has changed besides I can finally talk about who I have feelings for with friends, which I am grateful for. I just feel like I can be myself more. Do your siblings and/or parents know it? If so, how did they react to it? My brother and mom know. They were supportive. Dad doesn't know yet, we will see how that goes. How did they find out? If you told them, how did you do it? I just told them very nonchalantly in the car because I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. Do your closest friends know it? If so, did the friendship change in any way after knowing it? I am sure I know some closet people, but not much has changed. One or two gay guys have tried to hit on me, but I am more attracted to the nontypical gay guys.
  16. What would you say when you first see him? I wonder who's gonna blush first when you both meet. Can we have a follow up story when you meet guys?
  17. I had gay feelings early on (probably when I was 12 or 13), but up until about a year ago, I legitimately believed I was straight. There was some major cognitive dissonance, so I believed I was straight in order to be at peace. I obviously didn't know this was happening. It wasn't until I went to my university that I started confronting my thoughts. It probably took eight years to accept myself! The first person I came out to was Rida on October 12, 2016, one day after National Coming Out Day. I first came out as bisexual, but it wasn't because I denied who I was. I wasn't using it as a transitioning stage. I'll spare the details, but you could say I'm a 5 on the Kinsey scale, and I thought this required me to label myself as bisexual. It turns out that not every gay person is a 6 on that scale, and it didn't feel right calling myself bisexual, so I call myself gay now. From there, I told my brother, family, and friends. If someone asks, I'll tell them I'm gay. If they don't ask, I won't say anything. It's hardest to tell the people closest to you, so my parents were the last to find out. What's interesting though is that there is an extremely high amount of pressure in coming out. I knew my parents would accept me and be happy with me. I also live in one of the most liberal states in the US, which puts me in one of the most liberal and accepting areas in the entire world. Still, it's extremely hard to come out to people. This has made me realize how grateful I am to live where I do. I just happened to start talking to Kayzar on Discord just a few days before I came out to Rida. I loved the sound of his voice, and I loved how he was constantly laughing, even when everyone was telling him to shut up. We're still dating, and now I'm going to see him next week for the first time! So much has happened in the past year, and coming out was really life-changing.
  18. He's not an actor but Arthur Chatto
  19. Hey there, In this thread, we will be posting our gay history. You will be doing it by answering a couple of questions listed below: How did you discover your homosexuality? At what age did you do it? How did you react to the fact that you are gay, by then? How long did it take you to face the truth and accept yourself? Have you come out of the closet already? If so, how did your social and work experience change? If not, how are you planning to do it and when? Do your siblings and/or parents know it? If so, how did they react to it? How did they find out? If you told them, how did you do it? Do your closest friends know it? If so, did the friendship change in any way after knowing it?
  20. He's not an actor but Troye Sivan! @Kayzar agrees.
  21. Channing Tatum have you ever seen Magic Mike look at his abs damn he hot not just his abs but his personality in real life but that body tho
  22. My Dwayne Johnson Jet Li jason-statham Jackie Chan And Others . . .
  23. Who are your favorite movies actors and the sexiest ones, according to your opinion?
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